The Anti-Valentine’s Day Agenda
Restaurants. If they don’t want you…
Ah, the dreaded set menu. Restaurants can be ruthless on Valentine’s Day, capitalising on love’s young dream with eye-watering prices and identikit red roses. Go on, just you try and get an odd numbered reservation.
But if they’re not interested in your business, you’d do well to heed Seinfeld’s Frank Costanza’s words: “They don’t me, I don’t want them”.
The way we look at it, you have a couple of options. Either go home and order up a storm on Deliveroo, or make an even numbered reservation – but with friends only. Congratulations, your platonic dinner date has just beaten the system.
Binge On Netflix
Hardly original, we know, but let’s face it, even some couples are probably staying in for a night of Netflix and shawarmas.
Just make sure to avoid any rom-coms, which should be relatively easy considering some of the gruesome fare from Netflix’s recent true crime selection. Get stuck into Conversations with a killer: The Ted Bundy Story, or deplete your reserves of schadenfreude by watching Fyre: The Greatest Party That Never Happened.
Failing that, we suggest Netflix Original You, a show seemingly created for the sole purpose of putting people off romantic relationships forever. Job done.
Avoid Shopping At All Costs
You can feel it in the air as you walk around the mall already, retailers just itching to pull the trigger and stock up on anything that can be flogged in the name of love.
While there’s a case for deliberately boycotting any store that goes big on V-Day gifts, it’s probably best you just stay away all together.
One thing is for certain, when Foreigner dropped their air-grabbing power ballad "I Wanna’ Know What Love Is" in 1984, we’re fairly sure that love wasn’t a massive bear holding a foam heart.
Stand Your Ground, Watch Football
It’s a Thursday night, it’s the weekend for the majority of us and you feel like socialising. But that’s only likely to bring you closer to the Valentine’s Day people roaming the restaurants and bars of your city – all mad-eyed and looking to whisper sweet nothings at the drop of a hat.
Take the ultimate anti-Valentine’s stance and watch some football at home instead. As it’s a Thursday, unfortunately you only have the slim pickings of the Europa League available to you – Lazio v Sevilla, Galatasaray v Benfica and BATE v Arsenal. Anyone?
No, didn’t think so.
But hey, this isn’t about you enjoying yourself, it’s about successfully avoiding love. Roughly 30 minutes into any one of those fixtures and we think you’ll have forgotten about that concept almost entirely.