What The Coffee You Drink Says About You

19 December 2018
Whatever your choice of coffee is, we're on to you

Back in the day, there was a huge industry in reading coffee. By scanning the bottom of your cup, various bejewelled charlatans could inform you with a degree of convincing certainty about your love life, business ventures, family relationships and so on. For a fee obvs.

We’re not going to trash what for many was a dearly held belief. 

But if you want to gain a real insight - and one entirely unproven by anything but our opinion - look at the type of coffee people are ordering to gain an insight into their personality.

Jack Nicolson Coffee


This is the loveable grandfather of the coffee world. As is the man who drinks it. Regardless of his age. For him, the sprinkle of chocolate is as decadent as it gets. This is a sensible coffee and a sensible consumer - middle of the road, solid. You’d trust him with your super admin.

The cappuccino’s slightly more affected son. Again, beyond the slight flamboyance of the European inflection, the latte is the drink of choice of your left-leaning creatives. In other words, writers, painters, singers, artists and everyone else who wishes their Insta profile could get a blue tick. Bless them.

Short black
What we’ve got here is part risk-taker, part sybarite. She knows her coffee by region and (single) origin. She can talk “brightness” and “caramel notes” with the best of them. Or at least until the barista says “next”.

Long black
There is an undeniable element of unsullied toughness about the long black. Albeit slightly diluted. The long black is also a particular fave of those who want to watch their weight but can’t quite commit to the punch in the face of the short black. 

All the strength of a short black but with a festive little foam hat. Mr Macchiato fancies himself quite the Europhile, works on the seed end of start ups and is known by name when he wanders into Harrolds.

Kudos to you, oh drinker of the love child of chocolate and coffee. It takes a serious sense of self-esteem to order and consume this much maligned concoction in public. Let your freak flag fly you crazy diamond.

What a lot of people don’t know is that this is actually the Italian word for pretentious. Okay pedants, it isn’t, but it might as well be. Have an espresso already.Who is so busy that they don’t have time for that extra 15mls? 

Via GQ Australia